The Shireborn Saints
by merimas gamgee
Summary: LOTR Characters in "The Boondock Saints". AU, OOC. Rated for profanity and violence. Two hobbits go on a mission from Eru to rid Middle-Earth of all Evil. You don't need to have seen the movie to enjoy this, but I reccomend it anyway.


Disclaimer: I own nothing, except half a tin of kodiak and a pair of Dr. Martins. The characters belong to estate of the late, great Oxford Prof. responsible for the wonderful world of Middle-Earth, and the plot (and some of the dialoge) belong to Troy Duffy and whoever else has rights to The Boondock Saints.  
  
Summery and introduction: What I've basically done here is import LOTR characters into the plot of the movie The Boondock Saints. Therefore, this is obviously AU, as nessessities of the plot require me to chuck most of the Professor's canon out the window. Given these limitations however, I will try to be as true to the visions of Professor Tolkien and Troy Duffy as possible.  
  
To accomplish this, I've created a modern-day Middle-Earth, basing all the action in the city of Osgiliath. I've also portrayed the races of ME as different ethnic groups of a single race, for the single reason that the story doesn't really work otherwise. In doing this however, I've made an effort to preserve the traits of each race as well as possible under the circumstances. Therefore, hobbits will still be short and hairy-footed, but short as men reckon it. Dwarves will be a bit taller, and still bearded, and men and elves will be normal height. Elements of their cultures will be incorperated into the cultures of the ethnic groups the characters from the movie belong to.   
  
Now, some background you need to understand the story:  
  
- Sam and Merry are brothers of Stoorish desent. I've given them the last name Gambuck.   
  
- All relationships between LOTR characters have been changed. Example: Pippen is no relation to Merry (or Sam). Everything else should be evident as the story progresses. I also use Frodo twice, once as a character in the plot, and again as a historical personality. These are two seperate entities and should not be confused. I may do this with other characters, but I'll explain those as they come up.  
  
- Elements of ME history will be worked into the plot, but only those elements that fit. There are no ring or dark lords runnig around, but part of that story will be referenced as history.  
  
- I'm using the modern calender, because I don't know the Shire, or any other Middle-Earth, calender well enough to use.  
  
- I've edited Arda religion to fit into a quasi-Cathloic system, as Catholicism is a central element of the plot. I'm not trying to press religion on anyone, that's just the way the plot goes. Also, for convienence sake, I'll use some Cathloic language to describe the stories religous elements. While I don't anticipate this being a problem, I will also stress that I do not intend offense to anyone of any religion or ethnic group (I'm an Irish-American Cathloic incidently).  
  
  
  
That should be sufficent for now. I'll add more disclaimers and explainations as needed.  
  
The Shireborn Saints  
  
The scene opens in a Church where Sunday Mass is being celebrated. A young hobbit Priest is leading the congregation, composed of mostly hobbits, in Manwe's Prayer.  
  
Priest: Illuvatar, who art in Heaven, hallowed be they name.........  
  
Two hobbits, a few years past their coming of age, are seen kneeling in a pew towards the back of the church. Both have dirty blond hair, and are dressed in identical P-Coats, tee shirts and hobbit breeches. They have the look of brothers and are of similer height, though one is heavier set. A young girl on their row leans forward to look at them, before being pushed back by her mother and made to pay attention.  
  
The Priest finishes the prayer, then walks back to his seat with the other priests. Another, more elderly priest walks up to the podium to give his sermon.  
  
Fr. Whitfoot: I'd like to thank Fr. Frodo for coming all the way across town to celebrate Mass with us.  
  
  
  
He pauses to wipe his brow and adjust his glasses before continuing. As he does, the two hobbits rise, cross themselves, and begin walking towards the front of the Church.  
  
Fr. Whitfoot: Now, I am reminded by the Silimerallion reading today, of the story of young Dasiy Gamgee......  
  
The two Hobbits reach the front of the Church and walk up to the alter, past Father Whitfoot, who does not seem to notice them. Father Frodo looks up in suprise, and moves to stop them before another Priest pulls him back and begins whispering to him. The hobbits go behind the alter and kneel down before the great wooden statue of Manwe, while Father Frodo watches them with a look of shock and incomprehension on his face.  
  
Fr. Whitfoot: As many of you will remember, two years ago, Daisy was murdered, in broad daylight. People watched, as this poor soul cried out for help again and again. But no one moved to help her, no one wanted to get involved. They watched, as Daisy's attackers simply walked away.  
  
The hobbits rise, kiss the feet of Manwe's statue, and walk back past Father Whitfoot toward the entrance of the Church. Father Frodo continues to watch with the same shocked look on his face.  
  
Fr. Whitfoot: Now, we all must fear evil men. But there is another kind of evil which we must fear most. The indifference of good men in this face of evil!  
  
The two hobbits pause and the door, turn and listen to the Priest's last words. They then exit the Church and walk down the front steps, putting on sunglasses as they go. They pause at the base of the stairs, and each of them takes out a ciggerette and lights up. Both hobbits are seen to have identical tattoos of a saint on the side of their necks. The heavier set one takes a drag of his ciggerette and speaks.  
  
Sam: I do believe the monsignior has finally got the point.  
  
Merry: Aye.  
  
-----------------------------------------------  
  
Meet the Gambuck brothers.  
  
Please review and tell me what you think, keeping in mind what I said in the introduction. Flame if you must, but know that by flaming, you reveal yourself to be the type of person I'm not inclined to take advice from. I'm open to any suggestions, provided they are politely given. Also, if anyone knows the Elvish words for 'truth' and 'justice', please tell me in a review, as I need them for later chapters. Cheers! 


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